Sinking In

This last week has been interesting.
My thoughts have been going going going.
And I'm not really sure what I am thinking half the time. My scattered thoughts go over surrogacy and adoption. These are heavy topics that I just wasn't expecting to ponder on so soon. I know decisions do not need to be made right now and they wont be made right now. Things are still sinking in.

I have so many different scenarios going through my mind constantly. Wondering what is best for us at this point. Wondering if we just need to take a break from it all for a while. Wondering if there is a baby who needs us right now. Wondering if we are supposed to be a childless couple. Wondering about the embryos in the freezer. Lots of thinking and lots of tears.

In my search for answers I'm going to EAT PRAY LOVE. (I am reading the book now)
We have gone out to EAT every night since. Accompanied by the movies.
We will continue to PRAY...a lot for peace, and guidance.
and, well, LOVE .

I'm on mission.

phone consult

Today our doctor called.
He expressed his sadness and disappointment.
I knew he was going to call at some point because the nurse told me he would be calling to discuss our next cycle options.
I wasn't expecting him to call so soon, and I certainly wasn't expecting to hear what he told me.

His voice was softer than his usual.
He simply asked,
" do you have anyone that could do this for you?"
It caught me off guard.
Romney and I have talked great length about the possibility of surrogacy.
But just because we talked about it, didn't necessarily mean we'd have to make that choice. Especially so soon.
In his sympathetic voice he suggested we stop doing IVF and move forward with surrogacy. He says that my embryos in the freezer are beautiful and that the quality is excellent. He truly believes that we can still have a baby IF someone else can carry for us.
I got so excited that we could still have a baby!
There is still hope!
But, right when I got off the phone I realized...
I was just told that I can't have kids.
And the flood gates opened.

results....

NEGATIVE


the doctor has been paged to call me...
I'll post when I hear from him.

blood work...

Does this look like pregnant blood????
We will find out in the next couple of hours.

waiting patiently...

Tomorrow we find out if I am pregnant.
I have an appointment at 9:45 am for blood work.
The waiting game is a hard one.
Its a long 10 days and its always on your mind.
I KNOW! I'VE BEEN THERE!
BUT,
this time it has been totally different!!!
My ENTIRE family has been in town since last week.
It has been so great to have them here to visit and laugh with.
They have taken my mind off of it all and they don't even realize
how helpful it really is!
Now that they are packing up today and heading out I am getting
A N X I O U S !
My mind is wondering in all sorts of directions. A LOT!
I'm just ready to know now.

PROGESTERONE

For the last 9 days I have been pumping up my body full of
P R O G E S T E R O N E !
Progesterone is the "glue" that helps those embryos to stick to my uterus.

Every morning and every night I "get" to use the Progestrerone Vaginal Capsules. Lucky me. They melt and it's messy....

In addition to the awesome capsules I get to do 1cc of Progesterone in my butt EVERYDAY! Again I am a lucky girl.

I tell Romney every time..."if this works, then its worth it"...
Yep every bump and bruise on my back side will be worth it ....
when it works!